The Weird Obsessions of Morgan Oxley

Visit me at:

www.fiercehabits.com

call: 503 919 1418

email: morgan@morganoxley.com

 

Music Courtesy of Airglow: Memory Bank (Airglow) / CC BY 4.0

If You Don’t Have This Habit, You’re Failing at Life

Carrot or the stick motivation?People You Want to Shake

Have you ever had one of those conversations where the other person just won’t take any responsibility for the situation they’re in?

I’m sitting in Townshend’s Tea House up on Alberta, and one of these bitch-sessions is happening right in front of me.

Woman A is having some kind of problem with a co-worker. Woman B is trying to help her find a solution. But Woman A is only interested in complaining about what her co-worker is doing, and not at all interested in finding a solution.

Woman A works herself up into such a lather that she actually starts to cry.

And I can see that Woman B just wants to shake her. “Take some responsibility!” But she doesn’t say it, because it’s not polite.

 Take Responsibility

Well I’m not polite.

If you don’t know how to ask yourself this question, you are failing at life:

What can I do differently to get a better result?

Look, we all have our moments of blaming and complaining. That’s cool. It’s just a question of how quickly you can move yourself to this question:

What can I do differently to get a better result?

If you can develop the habit of asking yourself this question, it’s a guarantee you will have a successful life. Because you’ll be the type to turn lemons into lemonade.

How to Take Responsibility

Like any habit, this practice doesn’t grow up overnight. You have to practice it, and it’s best to start small. I’m working on this practice myself, and here’s what I do:

1. I listen to people talk. I try to hear the difference between when they take responsibility for outcomes, and when they blame others people, or a company, or the weather. (Or God.)

2. As I listen for this, I turn it on myself. Am I focused on what I can do better, or am I focused on what other people are doing wrong?

3. I just keep doing this, day in and day out. All day long. I’m getting a lot better at it, and you will too.

As you cultivate this habit, you will become more successful in every area you practice it.

Ask yourself:

What can I do differently to get a better result?

If you want to learn how to implement the habit of taking responsibility in your own life, click this link to schedule a 23-minute “Unstuck” Consult with me. I’ll call you at the appointed time.

 

Read about 3 habits that make me happy. 

Admit You’re Wrong so You Can Move Past Your Bad Habits

Admit you’re wrong so you can move on.2935335416_6f4326dc37_z

I heard a great quote from General Norman Schwarzkopf the other day:

“No organization will get better until leadership admits that something is broken.”

The same thing applies for a human being.

 

The thing that’s wrong is not the thing that you think is wrong. 

What’s wrong is the way you think about being wrong.

Because most of us are totally attached to blame: Blaming others, and blaming ourselves.

The key to growth is letting go of blame. Once you recognize that all those bad habits that you thought were “wrong” are actually doing something important for you, then changing them is a whole lot easier.

So here’s one fierce habit that I highly recommend that you cultivate:

 

You just need to love your bad habits.

They’re a part of you. And I don’t know about you, but personally, I don’t listen to folks who give me a hard time. I tune them out. But I do listen to those who take an active, caring interest in my life.

So you’ve got to ask yourself: Are you just giving yourself a hard time? Or are you taking an active, caring interest in your own life?

Learn to love your bad habits. It will change everything.

Morgan Oxley

 

3 Good Habits That Bring Me Joy

28244289_sHow much time do you spend thinking about your habits? You’ve got good habits and bad habits, and they RULE your day.

The things you do each and every day, automatically, are the difference between “success” and “failure”.
It’s been said that 90% of the 6,000 thoughts you had today are the same as the thoughts you had yesterday, and 40% of the actions you take each day are totally automatic.

When was the last time you consciously thought about tying your shoes? 

Here’s three good habits from my own life that I love:

 

1. I take a cold shower first thing in the morning.

I’ve only been doing this for a month, but I love it. It stimulates my nervous system and reminds me that I want to live outside of my comfort zone.

2. When I have a thought, I get rid of it.

I don’t keep ideas in my head. When I think of something that I want to remember later, I put it into my task-management software so I can keep my psychic ram empty. I’ve been doing this for about 7 years, and this single practice is the greatest contributor to my success and happiness.

By getting my thoughts out of my head and into a safe place I know I can find them again, I’m able to let them go: This allows me to stay fully present in the moment, rather than getting sucked into the future.

3. When I stand up, I look back at where I was just sitting.

I’ve been doing this consistently and automatically for more than 15 years. When I was traveling, I was always concerned that I would leave something behind. So no matter if I’m sitting on a bench in a park, or on the couch at a friend’s house, I look back to make sure nothing has fallen out of my pockets.

 

How do your habits help you? How do they hold you back? Creating new automation is easy, once you know how.

By Morgan Oxley

 

My Love Life

I’m totally in love. 12537951_s

It’s just been a few weeks, but we’re more or less inseparable. Like teenagers, stealing time in the middle of the day. She’s brilliant, challenging, deep and beautiful. She opens me up.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “It’ll never last…”  

I have two things to say about that:

1. I think it will.

2. It doesn’t really matter if it does or it doesn’t.

I say this because in the act of loving, there’s no holding, no fear. Just the feelings. In the past I was always hedging my bets (she’ll tell you I’m still learning). I was always focused on what I wanted and needed, and barely aware of how much joy it would bring me to make her happy.

Now, a month ago I wouldn’t have been able to attract such an amazing creature. But I’ve been doing my own work. I’ve been getting better and better at loving myself. And as much as I love her, I still come first.

So if it ends, it will be okay. Part of the plan. She’s teaching me how to love, and reminding me that the heart of loving is loving yourself.

In The Art of Love, Erich Fromm writes, “Love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love.” 

And as you practice loving yourself, and as you practice loving those around you, you’re really taking an active concern for your own life and growth.

And as you figure out how to do this more and more, all your problems begin to evaporate. Things get easy. You wake up with gratitude, you take right action.  Opportunities flow to you.

My love, she taught me something sweet: When you’re hurting, just say this to yourself: “I love you, I love you, I love you.” Get over yourself and keep saying it.

Because it really will solve all your problems.

Morgan

 

The ONLY Reason You Fail

ALL of your success is based on cumulative effort. 26562958_s

Before you could write a book, you had to learn how to read.

Before you could run a marathon, you had to learn how to walk.

When you fail, you’ve forgotten the work you already did. You’ve forgotten forget that you build unconscious competence one day at a time, through continual improvement.

You remember this old proverb? A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.  But even before you were even able to take that step, what did you already have to know how to do?

The simple reason that you fail is that you’re biting off a chunk that is too big. 

Forget about making it perfect. Give up on perfect. Just make it better. Always make it better.

Start smaller. If your goal is to stop eating cookies, please, please don’t tell yourself you’re never going to eat another cookie. Instead, eat as many cookies you want, and every time you do, break off the first bite and throw it in the trash.

That’s how you create momentum.

If you’ve got something you’re trying to achieve, and you want to find out the smallest thing you can do to create momentum, schedule a 23-minute “unstuck” consult.

How to Break a Bad Habit: An Infographic

How to break a bad habit infographic by Morgan Oxley